Emo week

After being emo for almost a week, I guess now is the time for me to tune the channel back to normal. Seriously, emo did not yield me anything other than being down for these days. But why I still can emo for so many days? Because it was out of my control. I keep persuading myself not to think about my FYP problem, but it seems like haunting me by popping out in my mind at every interval of time. DAMN IT.  I am tired. Very tired. If this gonna continues until my final year ends, I guess I will be dying at the same time. Arrgghhh. Enough of that. Actually now I am still not fully back to the normal channel but I am trying hard to do so. Trying to comfort myself by telling "may be she not that hard to be communicate with? or may be she had arranged things well for us? or may be she will not suffer me that terrible? etc etc.. " Friends always said things come and solve. I know and understand as well. BUT, no one will understand my situation when dealing with her. When I see her face, my heart shivered!! Because I do not know when I will say out something that not match with her picky ears. I guessed I will continue complaining in my blog until this end may be. I hope I could be strong enough to deal with coming obstacles that she will bring me. Or may be she will treat me well then I will have happy blog title here then.

Time flies

Well, time flies. Now already week 4 and next week will be the week 5 where I will have my Test 1 from Monday until Wednesday. After months, never have test feel so hard to focus on my notes. Besides that, getting more and more assignments and reports stacked in my "to do" list. But still, I am loitering around sometimes. Thinking to work seriously hard to try to get my first class honor back or not sometimes.Of course I wish to have it, but wish is always wish not necessary I can make it even if I really put in effort. My blog now seem to be a place for me to share out my sorrow/complain more than joy. Compared to my previous blog, I will always share all the joys and fun I had in my life with photos. WHY IT IS SO?? Last time I like the "happy go lucky" phrase. Yet now, seem like not existing in my life.

Endless Problem...

Seriously fed up with the school/ university life where I need to base on someone to get survive for my future. My XX always makes my life miserable. From the day I entered uni, every single semester, XX never fail to throw tantrums on me!! Only once, XX smiled at me!! ONCE!! This time was the worst one. The incident happened yesterday until now I still feel uneasy! My heart weights a ton! I keep telling myself to be optimistic and since now I can't do anything to change it why not just accept it? I feel I'm so weak mentally. Pray hard I could do my FYP smoothly without affecting my work and travel plan. I just want to be free from education's cage. Many people told me working life is not as good as I thought. I understand but at least I don't need to base on anyone to get survive. If my boss really makes me very miserable, I can just quit it! No big deal. Of course, I meant is when it really necessary for me to quit not just simply quit for small matter. But in school or uni, you think you can just quit? NO WAY!! I want to have my degree certification! That's all!!

Things come and solve

It is true that things come and solve. My course registration problem had finally solved and it turn up from the worst to the best result. I get to be in the same lab with my friends. I'm not going to be alone and the grouping was well arranged too. But problems always there, next will be my fyp supervisor. I wonder my PA will be my supervisor or I need to get another lecturer. After weeks of holiday vacations, now back to reality. Feel so bored and tired. Not willing to work for my final year yet.

Undefined feeling

Again I faced problem with my course registration. And this time I do not know it is a good or bad thing to have such decision. Now I have the same lab time with my friends, but different group. So the good thing is I have the same free day as my friends. But the problem now is I do not know who else will be my lab mate. Is there any Chinese in? Or I am the only one there? Oh God!!

I know I should not think so much as I could not predict or know the answer right now. I already keep telling myself not to think about it just enjoy the rest of my wonderful holiday now. But again, thing is easy to say than done. Due to my personality, it seem a bit tough for me not think about it. I never fail to look at esmp everyday whenever I online. This is to update myself for the course registration especially the PD subject. I wish one day I could see *miracle* on it.

And this course registration problem make me feel regret being in local uni. I faced this prob since Sem 2 Year 1. I seriously get fed up with it. I always ask myself why not to choose to be a pharmacist!! If I could stand on it, I will not be in local!! And why not I request to go oversea for my studies?? Then, I could have more life experience I guess.

Well, there is no IF and IF and IF. Haha. So better stop mumbling. Life goes on no matter how. Learning to be tough and accept the fact although the fact is always cruel.

Hope that taken away~

Imagine today just a normal day like usual, but out of a sudden you receive a call saying that you won RM 1, 000, 000 (of course is not a scam) from a lucky draw. Then, they said they will be sending you a bank cheque by this afternoon and will give you a call when they are about to do it. So, your feeling now is really delighted and excited until you got the "light" feeling on your body mass where you feel you are like floating or flying in the air. LOL

Just like these~ HAHAHAHA

And for sure, you will be thinking the way of spending it by getting all the high technology gadgets and the luxury stuffs. So, you wait for time to come patiently and now it comes where you again receive the call from the same number. You picked up the phone and the same person told you," Hi Ms. X, sorry to inform you that we made a mistake as you may not be the winner for our lucky draw. We will have further investigation and back to you soon. Sorry. Bye." You are now stunted and seem like everything you thought before this all gone. Your heart is now broken into pieces, ~ping piang~

From this, what you see? The message I would like to deliver here is "Do not give any hope to people if you cannot be sure you can make it". Of course, the real story I experienced today not as the above story. But I am writing it out not meant to blame the person here, just to share out the thing I see and learn for today. Now, I am learning to see the positive parts of each happening and stop complaining about the bad or negative as I could not change it. 

Fishing needs patience~

   

Remember this??

Fishing game~

Bought this for my niece in Toy City, The Mines when I back to UPM for Hep B injection and to take the allowance claim forms. Yesterday I played with my niece and I realized this helps to train my patience as the plate keep turning and you need to be very focus and quick if you wanna get the fish!!! This tells me same goes to life. Need to be patience to wait for opportunity and grab it in hand once it comes. But for me to be patience is really hard to be done. I seriously lack of patience. Just like recently I had my course registration and due to my "superb concern" PA late account activation, I am left out at group 2 (Thurs whole day lab) for a course where all my friends (my gang) registered under group 1 (Tues whole day lab). And because of my impatience, I keep on disturbed my friends and coursemates. I felt so sorry to disturb them but I really run out of idea on solving it as I had already asked the malay coursemates see whether there will be chances for me to squeeze into group 1 or not but ended up the answer was NO! 

I had worried this matter for 3-4 days and keep on asking my gang of friends whether they want to change to group 2 or not. But ended up some of them do not response even they saw it. I feel very down. I know I am selfish because 9 of them already in group 1 and I am the only one in group 2. I should not ask them to be so sacrificed. I can't blame anyone as this is my own problem and I should solve it myself. So, I start to tell myself let go and let it be. I guess it would be a way for me to learn how to overcome my loneliness when my friends are not around me, learn to be alone in doing anything in uni and not to be so playful whenever I am free. Due to the free day we have will be different, so I could not join them for any outing and this is the main reason I disturbed them for the group changing. I also not sure this time my impatience is related to my babysitter job at home or not because my parents went travel and I need to help my sister to take care of her two little monsters. Taking care of kid and baby is really not an easy job. They are somehow annoying especially when you are having your own problems. But now, I feel much better and rethink back why I so impatience. I just can wait and see how for now. Nothing much I can do now I guessed as the things I should do already done. But I still waiting for a reply or may be a miracle or even a hope for my friends to change. Life should be full with hopes. *PRAY HARD*